


Now or No More Chances (working title)

by ThatAstrologyChick



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV), Juliantina-Fandom
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:35:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27790843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatAstrologyChick/pseuds/ThatAstrologyChick
Summary: Valentina is a single parent struggling to connect with her autistic son. Years of emotional abuse in a loveless marriage has left her feeling closed off and alone...until she meets Juliana, who recently moved to Mexico City with her daughter. Fate at its finest and destiny always finds a way.I’d like to preface this by saying there are depictions of abuse and domestic violence...it wont be super severe or a lot but just be warned.
Relationships: Valentina Carvajal/Juliana Valdés
Comments: 141
Kudos: 139





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story is completely written and I’ll be posting as I send each part to my beta. 
> 
> Let’s just say this story ended up being something entirely different than I originally planned.
> 
> Also I’ll be editing to add additional tags. I just wanted to get this first part posted before I procrastinated on it any further
> 
> Please leave a comment :) I’d love to hear thoughts and opinions

Six Months Earlier

Julian saw it in a series of flashes he didn’t quite understand...not in the way he understood other things like patterns and numbers and the patterns in numbers. 

He saw it in the flashes of light from the sun reflecting off the glass and in the shadows that played in between spaces. Sometimes it was too much—too much of everything, so he would cover his ears with his hands to make it stop or quote lyrics to songs or movies he’d seen. Sometimes it made mommy’s face wet when he did that. He didn’t understand that either. 

Everything was a pattern and everything had a reason if you paid close enough attention.

The universe was a highway and highways had exits and if you took those exits you could end up somewhere far from where you were headed. And maybe it was bad but maybe it was better.

He was spinning his top on the kitchen floor thinking about nothing. Nanny was nowhere. No sabes nada, Julian. But someone else was there and she knocked on the glass, crooking her finger for him to follow. So he did. 

Daddy had gone outside and the door was open so he slipped outside too. the sun was shining onto the pool which made the water sparkle like a dance. 

The ripples in the water were like numbers and patterns and he wanted to count them. No. He needed to count them. He was always counting. And something else was about to start too and he could count on that as well. All he needed to do was reach in just a little further until..... 

She skirted silently along the edge of the pool and he followed her with his eyes. He could see her, but no one else could. He knew that. Because his mommy and daddy were being loud again and they didn’t notice her. Or him. And Nanny was nowhere. That seemed important but he didn’t know why. 

Life is a highway, but not like the song. 

Sometimes you have to take an exit. No sabes NADA Julian. 

Dark hair. Short. Thin. She wanted him to count the ripples in the water. She said it was fun...that he would like it. That he needed to do it. There was an urgency in the moment. It was now or never, he thought. Though he didn’t quite know what that meant. He felt that It was now or no more chances. Now or no more chances. Now or—-NOW

———————————

Valentina was sitting by the pool working on an editorial when the commotion began. She closed her laptop when she saw Lucho barreling toward her. Oh god, she thought... not again. Not this again. Please not today. 

Her mind immediately went to her son, Julian, as it always did at the start of these encounters. She’d left him with Rosa, the nanny an hour ago so that she could get this damn work done before—-stop. Julian is fine. She told herself. She needed to concentrate on what was happening right now because striding toward her was immediate danger.

The concrete felt rough against her bare feet as she started to scoot away from her husband. She mentally chastised herself for not wearing shoes. 

You’re so fucking stupid, Valentina. What if you have to run? 

But she didn’t have time to worry about running today, because Lucho was already on her, in her face and he’d been drinking, of course. He was always drunk these days. 

It was the third time this week he’d been drunk before noon and she really didn’t know how much more of this she was willing to take. Wasn’t ten years enough? 

And then he was shouting at her and grabbing her.

“Dime!”

“Let go of me!” Her arms hurt where his fingers wrapped around them, squeezing hard and hauling her to her feet. Valentina bit back the explicative trailing behind a wince of pain. “Tell you what?!” She had no idea what he was so angry about. 

“Tell me who you’re fucking behind my back!”

“ ‘tas loco!” “No one! You’re hurting me. STOP!” He made no move to let her go, only tightening his hold on her, encroaching further into her personal space. 

Lucho’s face was red, his breathing erratic, and Valentina could feel puffs of acrid air hit her face every time he exhaled. 

“You’re drunk Lucho.” She said, her voice taking on a softer affect, hoping she could lull him into letting go of her arms. 

This was not the first time Lucho had been this way with her. Their relationship, if she could even call it that, was mostly this...had been this for the greater part of their marriage—to the point that Valentina was terrified of him and braced herself whenever he was within striking distance of her. 

She tried to stay out of his way as much as possible, tried to keep their son out of his way too, but that was becoming more difficult to manage lately. 

Julian had a tendency to wander. 

And that’s when she saw it. The Lounge room door was open. Lucho must have left the door open when he came outside in his is drunken rage. Why was this important?

Julian had a tendency to wander 

The thought echoed in Valentina’s mind for a moment as whatever parts of her brain responsible for such things started booting up. Turning on. Lighting up. Her mouth opened and then closed again as she tried to figure it out. 

It was the faint, playful splashing sound that brought her out her own head. Her head whipped around, locking on the source of that sound. Julian. The wanderer. 

The four year old was crouched near the edge of the pool, his hand reaching into the water for something or toward someone, but there was no one else. 

She saw it all happening as if in slow motion. Julian leaning forward—too far forward

She couldn’t move. The idiot still had a hold of her. 

“Julian!” Valentina screamed frantically for the boy to stop, to back away from the edge of the pool, but she knew he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t even turn his head in their direction. He wouldn’t even look up, would he? She knew he wouldn’t. 

The sound water makes when something heavy falls into it is not a splashing sound, but more of a crashing. Like glass breaking. Wet Glass. 

With strength she didn’t even know she possessed, Valentina pushed against Lucho, managing to wrench herself free from his grasp, and ran along the edge of the pool for what seemed like a long time but could have only been a fraction of a second. 

Her eyes scanned the surface of the water, her heart beating out of her chest. 

Valentina was pure reaction then, launching herself into the water near where her son’s arms were visible just a little above the water level. He was small for his age and the water would be at least a foot over his head where he’d fallen in.

Valentina wrapped her arms around his little chest, hauling him up and out of the water. She brushed his wet hair from his face. “Julian! baby!?” His eyes were closed and he wasn’t moving. Julian was always moving. Why wasn’t he moving? Little boy Wanderer. 

By the time she made it to the edge of the pool with her son three bodyguards had heard the commotion and had come running. She pushed her limp child up toward the men, who immediately laid him out to start rescue breathing. 

Valentina knelt beside her son. She felt strangely void...Like she was kneeling beside herself on the outside of her own body. Her hand had found his and she rubbed her thumb back and forth over his cold wet skin. She couldn’t cry. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t feel her heart beating in her chest and she couldn’t look away. 

There you are. 

Blue eyes met blue eyes, then. Julian was coughing and spitting out water. 

Valentina felt a sensation like being sucked through a vacuum and then she was solid again. Concrete. Back in her body and able to react.

Oblivious to anyone and anything except the boy she moved to hold to her chest, she blinked back tears when his small hand found her cheek. Valentina turned her face and kissed his wet palm, tears spilling from her eyes, mixing with the drops of water from the pool. 

The faint sound of one of the bodyguards on his phone with the ambulance brought everything rushing back in a cacophony of noise and activity. Someone put a towel around them. She didn’t see who. 

Lucho looked dazed and in shock as he approached them. He also looked sorry but Valentina didn’t care. As it turns out. Ten years was indeed enough. 

Valentina felt strong—stronger than she ever had before. She was sure of the words she said next. “This ends now.” Her blue eyes were ice, “And don’t you ever touch me again.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2
> 
> I have an amazing beta who got this back to me super fast. Did you guys know that my Comma usage is severely lacking? No you do not because I have a magical fairy who fixes all of that for me. Jealous? You should be. (I’m kidding...but seriously. Be jealous.)

Valentina stood in front of the bathroom mirror, and took in the image reflected back at her. She felt hollow, dull and way too thin in the black matching bra and panties set she wore. Without thinking she traced her long fingers along her toned stomach...at least she had that. 

She’d kept up with her strict exercise regime and her body didn’t look half bad...in her opinion. Of course she wouldn’t have known how anyone else viewed her because anytime she left the house, she wore layers and layers of clothing. 

Her therapist would say that was a sign of something, but she’d quit seeing him a month ago, telling herself that she was fine— that she was better, even if she knew deep down that wasn’t exactly true. 

But she didn’t want to talk anymore. She’d had her fill of talking, realizing that she preferred to push it all down and just move on. She was so ready to just move on. 

She brushed her thumbs over her eyebrows, then splashed water onto her face, patting her skin dry with the floral face towel she kept hanging near the sink and looked at her reflection in the mirror again. 

She hardly recognized the person she saw staring back at her and if she was honest that scared her the most. Had she changed that much over the last few years?

Valentina’s signature long hair hung flat around her face. She half-heartedly pushed at it, scrunching it, trying to add a little more life to it to no avail. She hated it. Hated the way it reminded her of her younger, carefree days. 

Valentina opened the drawer to the left of her, running her hands over the contents until she felt the sharp end of the scissors. She ran her finger along the cool metal thinking for a split second how she’d love to just chop all of it off. 

She let her mind entertain the thought for a moment until she could almost see the long honey strands laying lifeless inside the porcelain sink and falling around her feet. Closing her eyes for a second, she wondered if she’d feel relieved afterwords. She didn’t know the answer so left the scissors where they were and shut the drawer. 

She sighed then, giving up on anything more complicated than gathering the long light brown tresses into the messy bun she wore every day. 

It was early, but she dressed quickly in sweatpants and an old sweater. Julian would be waking up soon and expecting breakfast and she needed to be dressed and downstairs before he was. That was the routine. 

___________________

Valentina sat at the table on the back patio to enjoy her morning cup of coffee while she waited for Julian to wake up and come downstairs for breakfast. The sun was just peeking over the tree line and it was cool outside. 

It wasn’t cold exactly but it wasn’t warm either, just cool enough that she could see the steam rising in little whisps from the mug of hot liquid she cradled in both hands. 

She missed Chivis. 

The thought was sudden and the feeling painful. Like a stabbing sensation below her ribs and she felt the emotion of it pooling and stinging behind her eyes. She didn’t know where it came from—the thought...why was she thinking about Chivis this morning? 

Chivis had been dead for over five years and yes it had hurt at the time but she’d dealt with all of that long ago.Her mother, her Father, Chivis... everyone she loved had left her. Left her alone. 

Valentina hated being alone. She always had. When she’d been younger, she was always with her family or a friend. She was rarely on her own. And even when she was not with a friend, there had been bodyguards who were paid to follow her everywhere. And now...? 

Valentina didn’t know. 

She wasn’t alone, she reminded herself. She had Julian and Julian had her. It was them against the big bad world now and that was all that really mattered. She would take how things were now over the life she’d had with Lucho. The life she’d settled for with Lucho, she reminded herself. 

She regretted it the moment her mind went to her ex-husband because she knew she’d be stuck in that vein the rest of the day...not missing him and certainly not wanting him back, but wondering where he was and what he was doing and if he knew where they were. 

It was the not knowing that peaked her anxiety the most. He hadn’t asked for custody or contested the divorce and the prenup she’d made him sign before they were married protected her inheritance and all of her family’s property but Valentina supposed she was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. She found it hard to believe he’d let her get away that easily without—- 

“Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore...”

Valentina turned to see her son in the doorway, his long blonde hair messy around his face as he rubbed his eyes. 

“We’re certainly not in Kansas anymore are we, Mijo?” She went to him, her coffee in one hand and rubbed his back with the other. “But Oz is better, yeah?”

___________________________

Valentina breezed into Guille’s office with the files that he’d requested she hand deliver. 

“What is the point of working from home, Guille, if you keep calling me into the office?” Valentina’s pursed lips only added to the look of annoyance on her face. 

The building was in full workerbee mode that afternoon and she really didn’t feel like human interaction so she had closed the door behind her. “You know they have this thing now...it’s called a database—all the documents you need right at your fingertips like magic.” She tossed the folder on his desk. 

“If I didn’t ask you to come into the office, I’d never see you, Val.” 

Guille sat on the edge of his large desk, his arms folded in front of himself in a casual, amiable way that belied what she knew was the true reason behind this excuse to see her. Besides, Valentina didn’t feel amiable. She felt annoyed by the subtext of his words and wasn’t in the mood to be lectured by her brother...however well meaning he thought he was. 

“You’re becoming a recluse, Sis...” Guille paused, waiting for Valentina to say something. When she didn’t he continued “ Do you even go outside anymore?”

And there it was. What all this was really about. 

Valentina opened her mouth to make a joke about how she was going to turn Valle into her own personal Grey Gardens but changed her mind, deciding it was better not to make jokes about her very real fears so she made a dismissive hand motion instead 

“Actually yes, concerned brother.” She said folding her arms and mirroring Guille. She could tell by his expression that the sarcasm in her voice was not lost on him. “In fact, Julian and I spent the day at the park”

“My nephew let you take him to the park?” Guille sounded surprised. “How did that go?”

Valentina didn’t respond. She knew her brother meant well but his joking felt more like a bruise when it was pushed on. She felt sore and inadequate and exposed and she really just wanted to go home. 

“There are the documents you asked for.” She motioned toward the folder. She bit the inside of her cheek. She knew she was being a bitch but she couldn’t help it. 

“It’s been six months, Valentina.”

“Don’t you think I know how long it’s been?” There was a harder edge to her voice than she meant there to be. Guille was just worried about her, she knew that, and she did care that he was worried but she would rather he just come out and say that instead of whatever this was. 

Valentina turned to leave but Guille stopped her with a gentle touch to her arm. As if he had read her mind.

“How are you really doing, Val?”

Her brother’s eyes were warm and that softened Valentina a little. She shrugged and looked away. “How do you think I’m doing Guille?” She said, more to herself than to him. “I’m fine. We’re fine...”

“I’m not convinced.”

“Oh why is that?”

“You look like you’re about to murder someone, Baby Sister.”

“I am about to murder someone, Guillermo. YOU.”

Guille held his hands up in surrender and Valentina smiled at her brother for the first time since she’d walked into the room. She did miss him, even if she didn’t say so.

“I know I’ve said this before, but you know you can always come and stay with me and Renata, right?” Guille gave her a pointed look. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

Valentina softened at her brother’s offer. “I need to do this on my own. Besides Julian hates Renata’s cat, remember?” 

Guille’s response was immediate. “I hate Renata’s cat too.”He brightened. “Maybe I should be the one to come and stay with you and Julian instead.” 

This made Valentina laugh. Everyone hated Renata’s cat. 

“Speaking of Julian...Where is he?”

“In Eva’s office—“ she closed her eyes and shook her head, “Old office” she corrected herself. “I left him with Sylvia”

“Can I say hi?”

“Yes, of course.” 

Valentina chewed on her bottom lip as they walked down the hallway toward Eva’s old office. She wanted to ask her brother a question, but she couldn’t decide if she really wanted to know the answer. Fuck it, she thought as she placed her hand on Guille’s arm so that he stopped walking and looked at her.

“Oh hey...” she was trying to sound casual but knew she sounded nervous instead. “Have you heard anything from...?” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t like to say his name. 

Guille shook his head “ No nothing. Have you?”

He looked concerned and Val shook her head. “I’m just...” she bit her lip. “I’m worried he’s going to find out where we are. “ She looked up, meeting her brother’s gaze and she couldn’t hide the look of fear in her eyes. “You know how he is...”

Guille nodded. 

“I’m just scared...I’m scared all the time.” Valentina felt her body tense up with the admission. All the emotion she had been trying so hard to keep locked away and pushed down were quickly rising to the surface and there was nothing she could do to stop it. 

Luckily this particular walkway was deserted, except for the two of them.

Guille pulled Valentina into a tight hug. 

“I know, Hermanita”

He pulled back to look at her and she could tell that he could see how tired she really was.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” 

“Lo se” Valentina said, quickly looking at her shoes instead of her brother’s face. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m posting this unbeta’d but will be editing it tomorrow. I’m just too in my head about this story at the moment.

Guadalupe Maria Valdes—she preferred to be called Pitah—was nine years old and ten days. The ten days was important because it meant she would be ten years old in another 355 days. 

Her birthday had been ten days ago. Her mom had thrown her a party at their small apartment, but none of her friends had come—mostly because she didn’t have any friends. 

The kids at school made fun of her because she wore glasses and was in a special class for smart kids. Her Mama tried to make her feel better by saying that the other kids were just jealous of her, but Pitah knew better. 

They weren’t jealous of her pink-rimed glasses, or her thrift store clothing, or the fact that she didn’t have a dad, or even because she knew more about literature than they did; No they were’t jealous —they were scared. 

Scared because they couldn’t relate to her—didn’t understand her shyness, or why she sat against the building by herself at recess, reading instead of fighting over the monkey bars with the other girls. 

But It didn’t matter. She didn’t care...not really. At least that’s what she told herself. The only thing that bothered her was the sadness she saw in her Mama’s eyes when she came home from school everyday alone, or never had anyone to play with on the weekends.

She knew her Mama wanted her to have a friend and maybe deep down inside, under everything—in the faraway part of herself—Maybe Pitah wanted that too, even if she would never admit to it out loud. 

The smell of gasoline filled her nostrils as she stood outside of the convenient store, waiting for her mom to finish shopping so they could leave. 

The popsicle her mom had bought for her when they’d gone in to pay for their gas, dripped onto her hand. The heat of the Texas summer sun making quick work of the sugary liquid, drying it into a sticky mess on her skin. 

One of the straps of her worn denim overalls —her favorite pair, because her mama had bought them new at an actual store and not a thrift store—had come undone, causing the front to fold over, revealing the yellow and white striped shirt she wore underneath. 

Her shoulder length brown hair was secured with a yellow plastic headband and the silver bangles on her wrist slid up her arm as she licked at the melting popsicle.

Three kids—all boys— had jumped out of a rusted blue and white truck and had started a game of tag, weaving in and around the cars parked by the gas pumps. They were older than Pitah...maybe eleven or twelve even. 

One of the boys noticed her watching their game and stopped running to shout: “Hey four eyes!” 

She understood the “joke” for what it was—an insult—because she had bad eye sight and wore glasses, but she didn’t think it was very funny. The joke didn’t even make sense. Maybe it was funny if you had one brain cell, she thought to herself—which was all this boy seemed to have. 

Pitah glanced back through the store window. She could see her mom at the register paying for the rest of their snacks and drinks. “Road trip fuel” Mama had called it, but Pitah knew it was just because her Mom didn’t want to have to make any more stops along the way for food. 

“I said, HEY FOUR EYES!” 

The boy shouted again as if Pitah hadn’t heard him the first time. 

It occurred to her that he was waiting for a reaction. He was waiting for her to cry—which she wasn’t about to do. Pitah hated crying...especially in front of other people, and she certainly wasn’t about to give this boy the satisfaction of knowing he’d hurt her feelings—and he had hurt them...a little.

half worried that the boy would come up to her, she backed up against the cool glass of the window. This worry was short lived, however, when one of his friends—or brothers—she wasn’t sure which it was, slapped the back of his head, making the boy retreat back to his game with his tail between his legs. 

She could tell he was embarrassed, and part of her felt satisfaction about that, but another part of her—the bigger part of her— just felt bad for him. 

Pitah bit her bottom lip and touched the rims of her glasses. She pushed them back up her nose, her sticky fingers leaving smudges on the glass lenses. 

The door opened behind her and she felt a push of cold air from the ac hit the back of her arms. It caused her to shiver a little. And then her Mama’s arm wrapped around her shoulders. Pitah was relieved that they were going to be leaving soon. 

“You ok, Mija?”

Her mother’s voice was soft and Pitah bit back the urge to tell on the boy for calling her names. She nodded instead, just wanting to get back in the car and start driving again. 

“Were those boys bothering you, Pitah?”

“No Mama.” Pitah lied. “Can we go now?”

__________________________

Juliana’s gaze kept shifting to her daughter, who was sat in the passengers seat of their older model Ford Focus. 

The little girl had been quietly reading for the last two hours, which wasn’t abnormal for the nine year old, however Juliana—call it knowing her daughter, or mother’s instinct or whatever— could tell that there was something wrong—had been wrong with the little girl since they’d left the gas station. 

Pitah’s pink glasses had slipped down her face, perching at the end of her nose in a way that reminded Juliana of a little Abuela. 

“You’re going to make yourself sick reading in the car like that, Pitah.”

Pitah didn’t look up from her book. 

“I’ve been reading in the car for two hours, and I don’t feel sick, Mama” She said holding her book up. “I’m on chapter fifteen. If I was going to get carsick it would have happened before chapter fifteen.” 

Pitah had this dismissive way of arguing that both amused and annoyed Juliana, depending on the situation. Right now it annoyed her.

“Ok. Ja. That’s enough.” Juliana pulled the car over onto the shoulder so that she could give her daughter her undivided attention. “What’s the matter with you?” 

The little girl looked pensive, but instead of responding right away, slowly, and carefully closed her book, placing it on the dashboard. 

“Speak.” Juliana said after a moment; she wanted her daughter to use her words. “Did those kids back there say something to you?” She pressed, knowing she was pushing Pitah out of her comfort zone.

“Maybe." Pitah spoke slowly, drawing out the word, not wanting to lie, but not wanting to talk about it either.

"We talked about this, remember? Those kids are just jea—" she had started to say that they were just jealous, but Pitah silenced her, placing her small hand over Juliana's mouth. The bangles on the girls arm pressed against Juliana’s chin.

"No Mama..." Pitah said in a small voice that broke Juliana's heart a little. 

She knew her daughter felt different to kids her own age and Juliana knew that it was probably because Pitah was smart enough to recognize that she wasn't like other kids. 

But that wasnt entirely true, was it? No...in some ways...in the ways that really counted Guadalupe Valdes was exactly the same as all little girls her age and Juliana desperately wanted to help her daughter to see that—To show her that she wasn't alone—that she could open up and be vulnerable and the world wouldn’t end. She didn’t want her daughter carrying around the same shitty baggage Juliana had struggled with her whole life.

"Escuchame." Juliana said, tilting her daughter's face up to look at her. "I know you don't believe me... but someday everyone is going to see how magical you are." 

"Like Harry Potter?!"

"Sure... like Harry Potter." Juliana agreed, pinching her daughter’s cheek. “Just don’t run off to Hogwarts until you’re twenty one.” Juliana winked at the girl, pulling Pitah into a hug 

"Mama...." Pitah said once they were back on the highway and after a few minutes of silence. 

“Que?” Juliana reached for her bottle of water and took a swig. 

“Do I have a dad?”

Juliana nearly choked on the water she was drinking. “This is retaliation for making you converse with me, isn’t it?”

Pitah only raised her eyebrows at Juliana and flashed her a toothy grin.

Sometimes parenting could feel like a being a contestant on a bad game show, with one of those obnoxious hosts who just keeps lobbing questions at you and you never have the right answers. This was definitely one of those times.

“Fine.” Juliana said, needing to buy time to figure out her response. 

She’d always skirted this particular question whenever it had come up in the past because she hadn’t wanted to tell her daughter that her conception had been a bit of an accident—that Pitah’s father wasn’t in the picture because he chose not to be, and she still didn’t want to tell her that, but it was Juliana’s turn to be pushed out of her comfort zone 

She took her eyes off the road only long enough to glance in Pitah’s direction. The nine year old’s eyes looked so light in the afternoon sun that they were almost green—more green than they were brown. 

Guilt settled in Juliana’s chest. It was heavy like an iron ball She coudn’t have this conversation right now...not in the way it needed to be had...with carefully chosen words and sensitivity. 

“You have a father, Pitah. Everyone has a father.” She said because she needed to say something, but she knew that answer was a cop-out— they both knew it. Juliana could see the knowledge reflected in her daughter’s eyes. She half expected Pitah so say as much—to call her on it, but She only regarded Juliana, quietly while she waited for her to elaborate. 

“But that’s not the same thing as a dad is it?” She continued. 

Silence 

“Do you wish you had a dad?” Juliana prodded carefully when the little girl didnt say anything—Her voice was soft when she spoke; “It’s okay if you do. It’s okay to feel however you feel, and it’s always okay to talk to me about it.”

Pitah nodded at this last part and then dug around in the backpack at her feet, looking for a juice box. No one could ever deny their genetic connection, with the way they were both equally proficient in the fine art of avoidance.

“Front pocket.” Juliana said, deciding not to push the conversation further. 

With Juliana’s prompt, the little girl found the juice box, she poked the straw into the pouch and took a long sip. 

“Do you think you will find a man to marry in Mexico, Mama?” Pitah said, changing the subject.

Juliana laughed out loud at this “what makes you think I want to find a man to marry?”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“Not everyone, Mija” 

“Maybe you’ll marry a girl, then.”

It was said as a statement rather than a question and Juliana found herself, once again, thrown for a loop “Why would you say that?”

The girl only shrugged her shoulders and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. 

“No reason Mama. But it’s not wrong, you know? If you wanted to marry a girl.”

“Guadalupe Maria Valdes....you sound like an after school special.”

“I’m just saying....you’re old”

“Thank you...” Juliana pretended to be offended by the comment, but Pitah pushed right past the feigned emotion. 

“Do you want to be alone or something?” Pitah challenged in that way only a child could get away with. 

“I’m not alone. I have you.” Juliana stuck her tongue out at Pitah and the little girl rolled her eyes. 

“I shouldn’t even be talking about any of this with you. You’re a little kid. It’s your job to be a little kid—so please stop worrying about my love life, and just be a little kid for once in your life, Pitah, yeah?”

“Someone has to worry about your love life...!”

“Okay, smarty pants! Drink your juice.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet at last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one, guys...I debated whether or not to break it up into two chapters, but decided to just leave it as it is in the end.
> 
> This has not been edited yet. I’ll come back edit once my Beta finishes fixing all my glaring mistakes, so all mistakes are my own.

A week after arriving in Mexico City Juliana and Pitah were still settling into their new routine. It was pretty cramped, with Panchito’s kids still living at home, but he’d arranged his children so that Juliana and Pitah could have their own space; even so...one bathroom shared between six people was beginning to get old and fast.

Juliana and Pitah were sharing a small room, but that was more than enough space for the two of them. Juliana had promised Panchito that they would get their own place just as soon as they were on their feet and earning enough from the sales of her handmade designs to afford a place of their own, but Panchito had waved her away saying that they could stay as long as she needed. Juliana believed he meant it, but she felt bad that his kids were now cramped into one room together and vowed to herself that she would work hard so that she could provide a life for herself and Pitah here in Mexico. 

Juliana was grateful to the man she considered a father for welcoming Juliana and Pitah into his home with open arms. In truth, he had been trying to get Juliana to come back to Mexico for many years now, but she had always turned down his offer of help in the past...mainly because of the fear she had that the bad memories she associated with the city would haunt her if she came back—that she would have to face the ghosts she’d fought so hard to put behind her. But her fears had been unwarranted...because the truth was that Juliana Valdez felt a sort of freedom she hadn’t anticipated feeling. Coming back had felt like coming home, in a strange way, and she welcomed that feeling even if there were other things still on her mind—things she hadn’t exactly figured out yet.

As she packed the handmade shirts, dresses and stuffed toys into the back of the truck that Panchito had loaned her, she thought, once more, about what Pitah had said in the car during their drive to Mexico City. It bothered her in a way she couldn’t put her finger on or explain. But then, Pitah had a way of doing that—saying things in a particular way that kept Juliana questioning what she’d meant even days or weeks later. 

She guessed what bothered her the most about it was that she had never said anything to her daughter about her attraction to women. Of course, it could have been that Pitah had just done what all kids do when they say things off the cuff and had made a lucky guess, and Juliana could almost convince herself that that’s what had happened, except that she knew her daughter and Pitah never said things just to say them...she was far too methodical and careful with her words. Pitah was also more observant than most kids her age which made Juliana wonder if she had, perhaps, been more transparent than even she knew.

Juliana had never acted on her feelings, but she’d always been more attracted to women than she ever had to men, which she had chalked up to the way she’d grown up. Chino hadn’t exactly hung around the best society had to offer and Juliana, once she’d hit her teenage years, had often found herself on the receiving end of those leering men, having to fend off unwanted advances. So it had always made sense to her that she wasn’t exactly beating down doors to go on dates with any of the men that perused her over the years, yet it never really occurred to her that she might be gay.

She’d never really thought about her sexuality at all—at least not in any significant way—Not that there were a lot of women she found attractive, but there had been a few crushes during her teenage years, and then after Pitah came along and Juliana discovered how hard it was to be a single parent without a support system, it had been all too easy to put her own feelings and desires aside to focus on her child’s needs. 

And that’s what she’d done. Juliana had been so focused on Pitah— making sure her daughter got to have a better childhood than Juliana had, that relationships with men or women hadn’t really occurred to her... that was until Pitah had brought it up. 

Juliana wasn’t usually the type to dwell on things...she’d learned over the years that it was easier to simply keep pushing forward rather than constantly looking back at all the things that could have been different given this or given that. Which is why it bothered her that she couldn’t seem to let this go—perhaps it was simply that it struck a nerve— one that wasn’t used to being touched or prodded at, and now that she was thinking about it she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it.

Pushing her own internal dialogue down, she made her way into the house and down the short hallway. “Pitah?” Juliana knocked on the door to the bedroom they were sharing. When she opened it, Pitah was already out of bed and folding the newly washed clothes in her purple laundry basket and putting them neatly into the dresser drawers. 

“Yeah, mama?”

Juliana leaned in the doorway against the frame. It was a small room, but cozy with enough room for a double bed and a smaller twin size for Pitah. “I need you to get ready to go. The truck is already loaded and we need to get to the park and get the booth set up before the crowds get there.”

“Okay, mama.”

Pitah came over and leaned against Juliana’s legs, in the way she used to do when she was much younger, whenever she’d been overtired or sick. Juliana wrapped her arm around her daughter, feeling her head with the back of her hand. She hoped Pitah hadn’t picked up a bug, but the little girl didn’t feel warm so Juliana relaxed. 

_________________________

Today was not going to be a good day, Valentina thought as she leaned against the marble countertop in the small kitchen. She was already on her second cup off coffee that morning and it was only a little after 7am. She could still feel the cold remnants of the nightmare she’d had running like ice water through her veins. She held the warm coffee cup closer to her chest in an attempt to ward off the freezing tendrils. She shook her head slightly, as if the movement could free her from the nightmare’s grasp. 

Valentina had woken up well before dawn, covered in a thin sheen of sweat and clawing at the air from a nightmare in which she’d been running from her ex-husband. It was not a new nightmare...It was one she’d had more often than she would ever care to admit to outside of her own head, Mostly because she felt embarrassed that she was still dealing with the same shit more than six months after the divorce. 

She was being hard on herself, and she knew it, but that knowledge didn’t stop her mind from reminding her on the daily how she had failed as a wife and was also failing as a mother—it didn’t matter that it wasn’t true and she could tell herself all day long that she had done and was doing the best she could, but that still didn’t stop the self-deprecating thoughts from attaching themselves to her insecurities. 

Valentina had never been brave, oh she’d had her moments of bravery, on rare occasions, but on the whole, she wouldn’t consider herself particularly strong. Mostly Valentina had been the one in her family and circle of friends that needed extra support, or had the anxiety attacks, the depression, or the comical drinking problem. She was the one that had always needed saving and the men in her life had catered to that in a way— maybe not consciously, but on some level they had even nurtured that weakness in her. Perhaps, she thought, because it solidified their position as savior, or in Lucho’s case, his need for domination and control. 

If Valentina was falling apart there was nothing new about that. In some ways she’d always been falling apart—starting early on with her mother’s death from cancer when she was six years old, and then her father’s death when she’d been twenty-one. 

Her father’s murder at the hands of an assassin had hit the hardest because she’d been old enough to really understand death—old enough to understand that his death had left her alone—alone with her depression, her anxiety— alone with the Mescal and the abusive boyfriend turned husband. 

Valentina had felt so alone that she’d let Lucho’s attention wear her down even though she’d known it wasn’t love that she’d felt for him, but a terror that if she pushed him away he would leave too and she would have no one left. Lucho had fed in to that fear too, like a predator, slowly alienating her from the outside world in order to fortify his hold over her. 

Only after she had found the courage to leave Lucho did Something inside of Valentina finally break—a part she didn’t quite understand was done. Over it. She was colder now, than she used to be...someone who some might label a “bitch”, and even though Valentina didn’t mean to be standoffish or curt, she didn’t know how to talk to people anymore, she didn’t know how to connect. Even her own brother, who she had always been closer to than anyone else in her life, had a hard time finding her behind the wall she’d put between herself and the outside world. 

Valentina desperately wanted to find the strength to crawl out form behind the wall, but the wall was tall, vast and looming with no obvious cracks in the surface that she could get her fingers in to pry apart. Valentina didn’t know how to get around the wall by herself, nor did she know how to ask for help. She felt stuck inside herself.

Valentina ran her fingers through Julian’s shoulder length light blond hair as he sat at the small kitchen table eating dry cereal with his fingers, and watching cartoons on the tablet she had bought for him. His spoon was forgotten on the table next to his bowl.

She loved her son’s hair and had never been able to bring herself to cut it. She knew eventually she would have to once it got too long or unmanageable, but right now it didn’t seem to bother him. She was lucky that Julian didn’t seem to have any sensory issues with his hair and he let her brush and wash it without a lot of argument—Well... no more argument than any typical child would put up in the same situation.

*“And cut his fucking hair, Valentina. He looks like a girl.”*

Valentina flinched. She could almost hear Lucho’s voice echoing in the room as if he was standing right beside her. She knew it was all in her head, but she couldn’t help the way her body tensed up. 

Lucho had hated Julian’s hair and had never missed an opportunity to say so. But then Julian had never been the son Lucho had wanted or expected and Valentina, certainly, had never been the wife he’d imagined when they’d gotten married either. 

Valentina closed her eyes against the thoughts of her ex-husband that kept trying to work their way into her mind. She hated how unexpected and visceral her body’s reactions were and how easy it was to trigger her. Anything could set her off—it didn’t even have to be the mention of his name...it could be something small like a smell or a particular song being played that was often enough to start her spiraling. Her therapist had called it Post Traumatic Stress, but Valentina didn’t care about the label she just wanted it to stop. She wanted it all to stop.

She took a deep breath in order to try and stop the immediate anxiety she felt knotting inside of her chest. “Breathe Valentina. Just keep breathing.” She reminded herself. She bent down and kissed the top of her Julian’s head, as she willed her nerves to settle. 

“I’m not sad. I’m not sad.” Julian said, without looking up from his tablet. 

Valentina knew that this was her son’s way of asking her if she was sad. Julian had always been very sensitive to Valentina’s moods which is why she had to be cautious around him especially when she was feeling down or having an especially bad day, because he was sure to pick up on it like he had just then. There were no more nannies for Valentina to leave him with, while she fought her own personal demons, and she certainly couldn’t afford the luxury of a breakdown. Not today, at least.

“No. Mommy isn’t sad, Julian. I’m happy. Do you want to know why?” She knelt down and gently turned his face so that he was looking at her. “I’m happy because we are going to meet Tio Guille for lunch today. Do you want to have lunch with Tio Guille?”

Valentina had reached out to her brother in an attempt to bridge the gap that had formed between them, but the way he’d instantly jumped on the chance to meet them for lunch made Valentina feel guilty for letting their relationship suffer the way she had.

“Tio G?” Julian responded, using the nickname he’d given Guille ages ago.

“Yes, mi Amor. Tio G.” Her voice was soft and she kissed his smooth cheek, still holding his face gently in her hands as she spoke. “And after lunch we can go to the park if you want to.” 

Julian didn’t say anything else, his attention going back to the cartoon in front of him and his bowl of dry cereal so Valentina straightened, busing herself with unloading the dishwasher and wiping down the counters while Julian finished his breakfast. Maybe she was wrong, she thought...maybe today would turn out ok, after all. 

_________________________

The sun was out and in full force even though it was only half past 7am. Juliana was sweating a little...she wasn’t used to the humidity of Mexico. Texas summers were blazing hot and temperatures could get well over 100 degrees on even a mild day, but the heat was dry so it didn’t feel as suffocating. 

Juliana wiped her forehead with the extra T-shirt she’d packed away. So much for changing her clothes later, she thought...and so much for the makeup she’d put on that morning. It was only too early for Juliana to look like the sweaty mess she feared she did.

Juliana jumped, surprised by the hand suddenly on her shoulder. It was Panchito with the last box of clothing from the truck. He was certainly used to the heat having lived in the city his whole life, yet even Panchito looked like he was suffering just a little. 

The kids, however, didn’t seem to mind the heat as much as the adults. Juliana was glad she’d had Pitah put on a sundress that morning. However, she would have to remind herself to reapply the little girl’s sunscreen before mid-day, as Pitah was much fairer complected than Juliana and prone to burning.

“Thank you for helping set up, Panchito, neta.” Juliana said, taking the box from the older man.

“It’s no problem, Juliana. I’m just happy to help.” Panchito reached out, taking Juliana’s hand. “Your mother was a very special friend to me...” 

Juliana squeezed his hand in return. “I know.” She said, kindly. 

Panchito didn’t need to explain. She knew that he and her mother had been in love. Juliana hadn’t understood their relationship at the time but now that she was older and more mature, she could understand the connection they had shared. Juliana was only sorry they hadn’t gotten the chance to really be together while Lupita had been alive. 

Panchito had divorced his wife shortly after Lupita’s death and had been alone ever since, raising his three children on his own. Panchita was the oldest at nineteen followed by fourteen year-old Rico and then twelve year old Eddie. Juliana still thought of them as little kids even though they were clearly growing up.

“I can’t say I’m not happy you’ve decided to come back, Juliana. I feel like you’re one of my kids.”

Juliana had never had a close relationship with her own father, but Panchito had more than made up for that over the years, even coming to Texas once a year for what he called a “visit”, but Juliana had always suspected that he worried about her more than he let on and his visits were more about making sure she and Pitah were alright and had everything they needed. 

Pitah loved Panchito and even called him Abuelo, much to the older man’s goodnatured chagrin, and Juliana’s amusement at getting to point it out at every possible occasion.

“Me too and you might as well be. You’ve done more for us than Chino ever did. Plus I kind of like you.” Juliana winked at the older man. She had certainly lightened up over the years. She was no longer the eighteen year-old with a chip on her shoulder. 

Panchito smiled, but ducked his head, pretending to rearrange the handsewn stuffed animals on the table in front of him. They were a pair, the two of them—neither found it easy to simply accept a compliment especially where sentiment was involved.

“Besides, you know Pitah thinks of you as her abuelo. You should have heard her when we were planning this move...she wanted to know if we were staying with abuelo Pancho.” Juliana chuckled as she gave Panchito’s arm another gentle squeeze. 

“I’m too young to be a grandad, Juliana!” Panchito balked “My hair isn’t that grey, is it?” 

They both laughed at this, Juliana assuring him that he didn’t look a day over 75. She was joking, of course.

Truly Juliana was very grateful that Panchito had remained in her life and for everything he had done for her and Pitah since the death of Lupe. She only hoped that he knew how much she really did care about him and his family.

There was laughter a few feet away and Juliana turned to the source. Pitah and Chita, Panchito’s eldest daughter, who had come to help with the booth that morning, in order to earn a little extra pocket money, were laughing about something between putting the clothing on hangers. 

It warmed Juliana’s heart, but didn’t surprise her to see Pitah interacting so naturally with the older girl. As Juliana had always known that the teenager was a natural with young children. Juliana realized in that moment that the move to Mexico had been long overdue. Maybe all Pitah needed was a change of scenery and to be surrounded by family. 

If Juliana was honest she had been more than worried about her daughter. She was worried that Pitah wasn’t making friends and wasn’t relating to kids her own age particularly well. Juliana strongly believed that it was important for kids to have friends and playmates. 

Because of her own upbringing Juliana had grown up without ever having had a close friend and she didn’t want that for her daughter. Pitah was so shy around kids her own age and that was something Juliana could not relate to terribly well. Juliana had never been especially shy or withdrawn. She wasn’t a born introvert, but the life she’d had growing up had sort of forged her into one. 

Yes she’d had trouble expressing herself as a child and a teenager, but having a child of her own had forced Juliana to learn to communicate, even if it made her uncomfortable, even if she knew she wasn’t the best at it, she did try—even if just to set a good example for Pitah. It worried her that she could see some of the same traits in her daughter, that Juliana, herself, had worked so hard to overcome.

Communication was something Pitah struggled with a lot. Pitah didn’t like to talk about her feelings or her worries or anything really unless it had to do with whatever book she was reading. Pitah could filter through the characters in the stories, and to a certain extent Juliana thought that that was healthy, but Juliana knew Pitah needed to relate to real life people too and not just the characters in her favorite books. But she also knew that Pitah was scared, which was something Juliana could understand.

Juliana wished she’d given in to Panchito sooner when he’d offered to help them move back, but she just couldn’t...there were too many unpleasant memories associated with Mexico City for her to even entertain it until now. 

To be honest, she was still afraid even though she knew that Chino’s death had ended the cartels interest in her family. Juliana couldn’t help it and she wondered if, on some level, she would always carry that fear with her.

Panchito must have noticed the introspective look on Juliana’s face, because he was suddenly pulling her into a fatherly hug. “And you know you are welcome to stay with us as long as you need.” He said, giving Juliana a big squeeze before letting go.

Juliana smiled warmly at the older man and he returned the smile, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. 

They both looked away awkwardly, neither wanting to cry. 

“You should have gone to school for this, Juliana...these are beautiful.” Panchito said, changing the subject by holding up one of the men’s button-down shirts she’d sewn.

“I wanted to at one point in my life.” Juliana tried to keep the wistful tone from her voice. She was too old to indulge in teenage fantasies and it wasn’t as if she was unhappy with the way her life turned out, because she wasn't. Juliana had a beautiful daughter and she was able to make a living...not a terribly good one, but enough from her sewing that she felt justified in doing it. Pitah had certainly never gone hungry in her whole life. Even if they couldn’t afford everything Juliana wished she could give her daughter, they weren’t exactly destitute either. They were getting by.

“I want this one!” nineteen year old Panchita squealed, holding one of the black dresses Juliana had designed against the front of herself. She had a dreamy look on her face that reminded Juliana of the good parts of being that young.

“How much for this one?” The girl asked. 

“You can have it, Chita, consider it a thank you for helping with the booth.” Juliana hugged Panchito’s oldest daughter, taking the dress from her and holding up up against the teenager’s long frame. “This one is going to look amazing on you.” She breathed out, in awe of the pairing. she wouldn’t even have to tailor the dress for the girl. 

“I can stay...” Panchita said excitedly. “If you need more help.” 

“Ok. Sure. That would be great.” She pulled the teenager aside “maybe you could keep Pitah company today?” Her voice was low when she spoke, because she didn’t want her daughter to think Chita was spending time with her just because Juliana had asked her to.

“Absolutely.” Panchita said, smiling brightly at Juliana. “You know I love the little booger. She’s the little sister I never had.” 

“Thank you” Juliana mouthed as the girl went to finish hanging the rest of the clothing with Pitah. 

_________________________

Juliana and Pitah stood at the edge of the playground,near their clothing stall, the little girl rocking back and forth on the edge of the concrete where path met grass. Her little toes poked out from the white sandals she had on and her bangles glistened in the sunshine. 

“Isn’t this fun, Pitah?” Juliana asked, enthusiastically, trying to bait the girl into a smile. Pitah just stared up at her, behind her pink glasses with a look that told Juliana she was not going to get her onto that playground without a lengthy battle. 

“Sure Mama.” Pitah’s tone had a noncommittal edge to it. 

“Try not to sound so excited, Mija. There’s lots of kids over there...” Juliana pointed to the play structure. “Don’t you want to see if you can make a new friend?” Juliana asked, trying again to spark some kind of interest within the little girl, but Pitah only shrugged her small shoulders. 

“Maybe later,” she said, with that same non-pulsed affect.

“Be brave, Pitah.” Juliana sounded, perhaps, a smidge more exasperated than she’d intended, but Pitah just shook her head completely unswayed. 

Juliana would have continued to argue further had her attention not drifted from her daughter, at that moment, to the sound of a man and woman bickering just behind her. It was more of a banter, really...the kind of banter reserved for the closest relationships. 

Juliana turned toward the sound as the woman’s voice rose in pitch, as if she was no longer in control of her own movements. Something about the sound of the woman’s voice made all the little hairs on Juliana’s arms stand on end. The air felt electric as if a thunderstorm was on the horizon, but when Juliana looked up, the sky was the same clear blue it had been all morning.

The man and woman exchanged a kiss on the cheek and then he was leaving, making long strides up the path, the summer sun glinting off of his sunglasses as he went. Juliana had turned the full way around by this point, and was now actively staring at the woman and child as they made their way to the far side of the playground, toward the equipment geared for younger children.

Juliana was aware of the fact that she was blatantly staring, but she couldn’t seem to tear her gaze away. She could practically hear Lupita in her head, chastising her and asking her what she found so interesting, but Juliana didn’t know what it was that had caught her attention... all she knew was that she was looking and that she didn’t want to look away.

The woman was pretty, if not a little too slim in the tight jeans she was wearing. She had well defined features and her honey brown hair was pulled back into a bun which Juliana thought did not do justice to her delicate features. A face as beautiful as hers should be framed, Juliana thought and was immediately surprised at the turn her mind had taken. It wasn’t like Juliana to gawk at strangers, or anyone for that matter...not to mention the way her pulse quickened was making her a little uncomfortable and a little too warm beneath the light material of the button-down shirt she was wearing.

“Mija...lets go back to the stall...” Juliana said, absently, as she placed her palm on her daughter’s back and guided her daughter back toward Chita and the shade of the clothing stall. 

The booth wasn’t exactly hoping with business, but she’d sold enough to feel good about her first day and justified in coming back tomorrow. People seemed to be responding well to her designs. 

Pitah had sat down under the shade of a tree near the clothing stall and had already pulled out a book. Juliana sighed. She would never complain about Pitah’s love of reading, but Juliana couldn’t help but see it as a wall between her daughter, the real world and people around her.

“Haven’t you read that book a hundred times?” She was speaking to Pitah, but still had her eyes on the woman, who was now nervously following the little boy around the playground as if he was made of glass and everything he touched was going to seriously injure him. Juliana couldn’t lie to herself...she did find the whole scene kind of adorable in a tragic sort of way. 

“I like it. It’s my favorite.” Pitah said, simply ignoring the meaning behind the question entirely.“Why don’t you just go talk to her?”

“What?” Pitah’s words had startled her “Who?”

“That lady.” Pitah pointed without really looking up from the book in her lap. 

“You’ve been staring at her for ten minutes, Mama.”

Juliana was still only half listening to her daughter “I haven’t been.” She was lying.

“At least...”Pitah pointed out. “Are you worried she’s going to make fun of you?”

The spell the woman had on her was broken, momentarily, while Juliana looked over at her daughter. “No....” Juliana answered, glancing down at her outfit. She thought the white button down shirt and jeans were a solid look, maybe a little worn but now she wasn’t so sure. “But now I think you don't like my outfit.” 

“Be Brave. Isn’t that what you said to me?”

“Using my own words against me now?” Juliana said around an amused huff. At least her daughter had been listening enough to throw her own advice back in her face. “Yes...that _is_ what I told you. And I meant it too.” she conceded, deciding not to get into a discussion about it right then. 

“So go. Be brave” Pitah waved her away, her bangles sliding up her arm to her elbow as she did so. 

“Whose child are you?”

Pitah grinned, but didn’t look up from her book.

“Vamanos,”

“Ya Pitah! Okay!”

________________________________________

“You know it’s a baby slide, right?— and not the steep decent down a rocky embankment?”

“Excuse me?” Valentina turned, prepared to be annoyed by the stranger’s intrusion into her personal bubble. Valentina opened her mouth to say as much, but was caught off guard by the dark-haired woman’s smile. 

Suddenly embarrassed, she allowed Julian to pull his hand away from hers, but stayed close to the play structure in case something happened and he needed her.

“You’re hovering.” 

“Hovering?” Valentina repeated the word as if she’d never heard it before. No one listening to this conversation would ever guess that Valentina Carvajal was a proffessional writer, much less one of the heads of the most powerful media empire in the world. 

“It’s just...I can smell your fear from all the way over here.” 

The dark haired woman sauntered over, complete with crossed arms and an amused smile. Valentina didn’t know how she felt about that. She didn’t care for people in her personal space and she felt her body tense up a little in preparation. She hated that she felt this way...but her marriage to Lucho had left deep cuts that had turned to scars. The scars had changed her in ways she was only still discovering. 

Valentina bristled and tried not to be effected by the casual, non pulsed way the woman’s hips swayed as she walked toward her or the way her jeans sat low on her hips in just the right way.

“Do you always critique the parenting styles of others or is this just my lucky day?” Perhaps Valentina’s words were a bit sharp, but she neither retracted them nor tried to round their edges with an apology. The woman, however, seemed unaffected by Valentina’s tone and obvious annoyance. She’s one of those types, she thought to herself and rolled her eyes. The kind that can’t take a hint.

The dark haired woman approached slowly. “I reserve my best critiques for those who’ve earned them....” she said and the way she bit her bottom lip had Valentina momentarily mesmerized.

They were standing side-by-side now, close enough that Valentina could smell the woman’s perfume. The scent was dark vanilla with an overlay of something light—something floral. Valentina didn’t hate it. She took a chance on the woman not noticing and glanced over at her again, trying to keep her gaze on the periphery.

Just then Julian made a sudden movement and Valentina’s reaction was instantaneous. She held her hands up as if he’d already fallen off the platform, her heart in her throat, annoyed with herself for proving the woman right. Perhaps she was hovering...a little. 

“Like I said. Hovering.” 

Valentina opened her mouth to tell the other woman what she thought of her opinion but she was already pushing past whatever Valentina had been about to say. 

“That’s my daughter over there.” 

The woman pointed toward where a girl eight or nine years old sat cross-legged under a tree with a book in her hand, obviously reading. 

The dark haired woman tipped her chin toward Valentina’s son. “At least yours is on the playground.” Her tone was light, but Valentina thought she detected the slightest amount of sadness in the woman’s voice, even if her face hadn’t betrayed her true feelings. “That’s fifty percent of the battle. I’m envious.”

Valentina didn’t have a response so instead she trained her eyes on the woman’s worn grey converse sneakers. They were high tops. 

“Look...I have an idea” 

Valentina looked up, perhaps a little to suddenly and the woman held her hand up, as if in anticipation of being rebuffed.

“Before you say no, just hear me out.”

Against her better judgement, Valentina nodded—She couldn’t help it. 

“There’s a bench right over there...” the woman pointed off to the side of the playground a few feet away. “Come sit with me for a little while?” She paused, as if she sensed Valentina’s reluctance “hey...if you hate it, I’ll leave you alone.” the woman held her hand over her heart “lo juro.”

Valentina felt herself give way in a moment so uncharacteristic of her that she couldn’t believe that it was even her voice coming from her between her lips. “Okay,” She breathed in response and was suddenly too hot under the amused gaze of the woman’s immeasurably dark eyes. 

Valentina had never felt this kind of pull before. She didn’t even know this woman and from what little she did know based on their encounter thus far, she didn’t particular care for her so, when the woman reached out to slip her hand into Valentina’s, why didn’t she pull away? 

Valentina made no move to reciprocate, as she felt the delicate slide of the woman’s palm against her own even though her fingers tingled at the contact and itched to curl around the woman’s hand. 

She passively allowed herself to be led to a bench a few feet away from where Julian stomped around the small platform in the rain boots he’d insisted on wearing that day. The little boy seemed completely oblivious to the strange predicament his mother now found herself in.

They made their way to the bench and sat down, the woman releasing Valentina’s hand only once they’d been seated for a solid minute, as if the other woman wanted to be sure Valentina wasn’t going to bolt before letting go. Valentina would have been lying if she said she hadn't thought about it just a little, even though her legs betrayed her, keeping her bottom attached to the seat beneath her.

Valentina perched nervously on the edge of the bench, but the relaxed, warm energy of the woman sitting beside her gradually eased her a little and she let herself relaxing too.“So... do you always entice complete strangers onto park benches with you?” Valentina felt the emergence of a smile grace her lips even though she tried to pinch it back. 

“Not always...no.” There was a pause “Actually I’m trying to teach my daughter to be brave.” 

“Brave?” Valentina didn’t understand. 

“I’m not great at making friends...”

“I can’t imagine why....” the words were a little too curt, even for Valentina, so she softened them with a small smile in the other woman’s direction.

The woman laughed out loud at Valentina’s blunt statement, if she’d taken offense it didn’t show, and Valentina decided she liked the sound of the woman’s laughter.

“You may find this hard to believe, but first impressions are not where i shine most.”

She was looking down, shaking her head and there was something Valentina found charming about it. There was an uncertainty in the woman, now, that Valentina could relate to and she felt herself warming to her like the first day of spring after the coldest winter.

“Valentina.” She held her hand out.

“Juliana.”

Juliana took her hand and the two smiled at each other and this time Valentina reciprocated...allowing her fingers to curve around Juliana’s soft grip.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to break chapter 5 up into two chapters. I'm going to post this one right now, but I'll post the next chapter today as well once I'm done editing it. 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to DotDWizard because if she had given me even one moments peace over this chapter I would not be posting this right now. lol.

They sat on that bench and talked for a long time, longer than Juliana imagined Valentina had talked with anyone in an exceptionally long time. Juliana didn’t know exactly why she got that impression, but if she were forced to guess she might say it was because of the stiff way that Valentina held herself or how her eyes seemed to flit over Juliana’s as if she wasn’t used to someone looking at her, so Juliana had instinctively began looking away every so often as they as they conversed. And that had broken the building tension, as if looking at her own hands or the ground was like blowing on a pot of noodles before it boiled over. 

Juliana also got the impression that, despite her sharp words when they first met, that Valentina didn’t often say half of what she was thinking and that what she did say wasn’t necessarily what she meant—that maybe there was a lot more to Valentina than what she shared with the world and Juliana had a desire to see everything-- To unfold Valentina like a map and trace all the curving lines to see where they all ended. She had an idea it was somewhere beautiful—and that it would be worth the effort.

Juliana blinked slowly, the path her mind was taking surprised her—she wasn’t usually that philosophical. Juliana was more logical than waxing poetic over a woman she had only known for less than a day. She almost laughed at the absurdity of it, telling herself that she shouldn’t get attached to the idea of a friendship with a woman who had been so reluctant to talk to her to begin with that Juliana had practically dragged her away.

Yet she couldn’t keep the smile from her face as she packed the contents of the booth back into boxes. 

“Valentina seems nice…” 

Juliana was startled out of her thoughts by Panchita. The girl was looking at her expectantly and Juliana was slightly embarrassed to have to ask her to repeat what she’d said. “I’m sorry. What?” _I didn’t hear you because I was lost in my head about a woman._ At least Juliana didn’t say that last part out loud, but she couldn’t stop herself from thinking it.

Panchita laughed. “Valentina…” She said, more slowly this time, punctuating her words. “…seems nice.”

“Oh—yeah.” Juliana stammered. She felt a little exposed as if the teenager could tell where her mind had been. “Yes. She’s nice. I just met her, but yes, she seems nice.” Juliana tried to sound casual even if she didn’t feel casual. How she really felt was distracted, a little out of it, and too warm.

By the amused look on Panchita’s face Juliana could tell she had not pulled “casual” off—she sounded strange, maybe, but definitely not casual. 

“Uh-huh…” Panchita said, drawing the word out around a knowing smile.

When the younger girl didn’t continue right away Juliana felt a sense of relief. However, she didn’t get a chance to enjoy the silence for long because a few moments later Panchita was revving up again. And by the tone of her voice she could tell the teenager wasn’t going to drop the subject any time soon. 

“You know... she looks familiar.”

“Who does?” Pitah piped in, suddenly interested in the conversation.

“Valentina.” Panchita answered automatically, not looking at the little girl.

Pitah abandoned the section of the booth she’d been packing up and came over to where Panchita and Juliana were. 

“She’s so pretty, isn’t she, Mama?”

“Yea—” Juliana wasn’t even sure what she’d been about to say because she was interrupted mid-sentence by a gasp and a high-pitched squeal from a suddenly very animated Panchita. The teenager abandoned the box she was packing to wave her hand wildly. It would have been funny If Juliana hadn’t been so confused. 

“Carvajal!”

“What?” Juliana had no idea what Panchita was trying to say, and the wide-eyed look on the girl’s face had Juliana half wondering if she should take her to the hospital. She briefly filed through her memory trying to remember what the signs of a stroke were, but couldn’t think of any.

“CARVAJAL”

“Ya, Chita! Say anything else. I have no idea what that means.” She tried not to raise her voice, but the teenager wasn’t making sense and it was starting to worry Juliana a little. When Panchita only stared at her with her mouth open, Juliana tried again. She felt like a broken record, but she honestly had no idea what Panchita was talking about. “What’s a car-va-jal?” she asked, trying to understand.

The teenager looked toward Pitah as if somehow the nine-year-old could help her out. When she realized that Pitah had no clue either she rolled her eyes as if she couldn’t believe she had to explain.  
“That’s her last name. She’s Valentina Carvajal.” Panchita pulled out her cell phone and typed something on the screen then motioned for Juliana and Pitah to look.

There was a photo of a younger Valentina dressed in a black dress as if she was on her way to a funeral. It was a profile shot but there was no mistaking that the woman in the photo was the woman she’d met that day.

Juliana took the teenager's phone, holding it in her hand so that she could see the screen better. “Valentina Carvajal…head of Groupo Carvajal.” Juliana read aloud. “…top ten list of richest women in the world…?” Juliana scrunched her face at that. “That can’t be right. They’ve obviously got their information wrong.”

“No that’s right. That’s why I thought that I had seen her before…because I have.”

Juliana handed the girl’s phone back to her and leaned against the near empty table. She felt weird like she was going to pass out, but she wanted to hear the rest. Now that she knew that there was something to know she couldn’t not know it. 

The look she gave the teenager must have conveyed that because Panchita carried on talking, though her tone went from excited to somber. “I was just a kid back then, but her family was involved in a few scandals…and I remember they were on the news all the time.” She paused “My Tia Millie liked that sort of gossip shit,” Panchita explained, not bothering to stop herself from using the expletive even though Pitah was clearly hanging on her every word.

On Another day Juliana might have given Panchita a look to remind her, but Juliana didn’t do that today—she was too wrapped up in what Panchita had just said.

Juliana closed her eyes, thinking back to her brief time at Millie’s to see if she had any memory of their family in the news, but she couldn’t recall. “Scandals? As in Multiple?” She asked as if one wasn’t news enough, but she was still trying to get her head around the fact that Valentina was apparently some kind of celebrity… the fact that there were also scandals involved only added to the mess in her head. 

“Hold on… I don’t remember exactly.” Panchita scrolled down whatever she was looking at on her phone. “Their father was murdered at his own wedding and then the brother went under investigation for a robbery gone wrong…he was later found not guilty “Panchita continued to read “Her Sister, Eva Carvajal was sentenced to fifteen years in prison for money laundering.” Panchita looked up and met Juliana’s gaze. “Apparently, she was using the family business to feed one of the drug cartels.”

“Wow.” Juliana didn’t even realize she’d been holding her breath until she felt her chest burn with the effort of not breathing. She exhaled a ragged breath, not sure how to feel or what to think about everything she had just heard. 

Pitah tugged on her hand, a concerned look on her face. Juliana looked down at her daughter suddenly realizing that the little girl had heard the entire conversation “Shit…,” she cursed, without thinking then ran her hand roughly through her own dark hair. Juliana wouldn’t be winning any parenting awards, that was for sure. She exchanged a worried glance with Panchita who immediately looked apologetic.

“Sorry…” Panchita whispered. 

Juliana suddenly felt sick. There was a lot of information to process at once and her brain was struggling to keep up--on top of that, she now had to find a way to explain all of this to Pitah when she didn’t even really understand any of it, herself. _Fuck_ , she thought wondering how the day had taken such a surreal turn.

“Are you okay, mama?”

Pitah’s worried expression brought Juliana back to reality. “Of course, love.” Juliana tucked a strand of loose hair behind Pitah’s ear and forced a smile. This was not a conversation she would have chosen to involve her nine-year old daughter in, but it was too late and there was nothing she could do about it now.

Juliana made a sound akin to a groan only weightier, her hand going up to rub her forehead. She was feeling more than a little overwhelmed by all the information and had no idea what to do with any of it. She almost wished Panchita hadn’t said anything, but how could the teenager not have said something? “Let’s finish here. It’s getting dark.”


	6. Coffee Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys...here's the second part of that last chapter I promised everyone. I told myself I was going to sit here tonight until it was done and ready to post. This has all been edited by me so there are definitely mistakes but I wont be able to go over it again until tomorrow. 
> 
> Id like to give a special shout-out to Humble_Wats, DotDWizard, Salander7 and Ben-Ben. If it wasn't for ya'll this would still be sitting in a file on my laptop. 
> 
> I'd also like to thank everyone who reads and leaves a comment. Comments really do help writers continue to want to write and post.

Valentina was beginning to feel claustrophobic, as if the interior of the SUV were closing in on her, the space becoming smaller and smaller the longer she sat there waiting for the light to turn. The sounds of the city infiltrating her car despite her best attempts to drown them out and the man blowing his horn in the lane next to her was particularly grating.

“Who does that?” Valentina asked, to no one in particular, around an annoyed huff. She was just venting her frustration, but the truth was that she had been riding the edge of a panic attack all morning—being trapped in a car in the middle of traffic, where she couldn’t escape even if she needed to, turned out to be just the right amount of weight to make everything start to tip in the wrong direction.

The man in the other car looked over at her as if he had heard her inner dialogue, or maybe he’d just seen the stress on her face. The reason didn’t matter-- all that mattered was that the amused look on his stupid looking face as he purposefully leaned on his horn again. That was enough. That was all it took to start her spiraling. 

Closing her eyes, Valentina tried to push through the tension seizing her shoulder muscles and working its vice grip down her back and along her neck. Everywhere felt tight, even Valentina’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel with increasing amounts of pressure until the knuckles of her hands turned white.

With an aching chest, she reminded herself to try and breathe as normally as possible, even if her body didn’t seem to want to listen. So, she leaned her forehead against the steering wheel. The middle of traffic was no place to fall apart. She refused to let it happen. She refused to let her anxiety take over.

She forced herself to release her vice grip on the steering wheel and she straightened in her seat again, reminding herself that any moment the light would turn green and she would be that much closer to extracting herself from the situation. This thought on its own made Valentina feel a little better as some of the tension left her body.

Valentina’s saving grace was that her son wasn’t in the car with her at that moment. She had just dropped him off at his therapy session and it would be another three hours before it would be time to pick him up.

To her relief, it only took another minute or two for the light to turn green. She pushed the gas pedal with careful precision not wanting to floor it and risk an accident. 

Feeling like she could breathe again was a start, but Valentina still felt shaky and her heart was racing. She thought about calling Guille, but quickly dismissed the thought. The last thing she wanted was to give her well-meaning, but annoying brother another reason to worry about her, or worse, another reason to call her into the office.

She knew she needed to get out of the care as soon as she could so instead of going to the coffee shop like she planned, Valentina found herself headed in the direction of the park because it was closer.

Sometime inside of her peeked it’s head up at that, but Valentina pushed it back down again. Not wanting to start overthinking anything she told herself she was going to the park because a walk would help calm her nerves after the near miss with the panic attack and she could use the fresh air and a little sunshine.

That logical explanation satisfied Valentina enough so that she didn’t start questioning herself on the real reason for her choice. And even if whatever she’d pushed down was still in the way back of her mind calling her a liar, so what? Valentina had become decidedly less good at denying the obvious over the last seven months so, she could admit that the decision to go to the park had a little more depth to it than just a peaceful walk for calming her nerves. If she’d gotten anything out of her time in therapy, it was that a little inner honesty was sometimes the best medicine. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Losing her nerve, Valentina was about to turn around and head back the other way when Juliana’s daughter noticed her.

The little girl smiled sweetly at her and waved a shy little wave with just the tips of the fingers on her free hand—the other hand was holding onto a book. 

Too late to turn back, Valentina squared her shoulders and took a deep breath, trying to pretend she wasn’t entirely socially inept reminding herself that she used to know how to talk to people. Reminding herself that at one point in her life she’d been normal.

But the pep talk wasn’t helping and as her designer boots moved her closer to the booth, the more she felt like she’d been impulsive and made a terrible decision coming here. 

Valentina shivered, feeling completely out of her element and wishing she’d stayed in the car instead. What had she been thinking?

Her palms felt damp and she wiped them quickly on the legs of her jeans. Juliana was talking to a customer and hadn’t seen her yet, giving Valentina a few precious moments to try and pull herself together somewhat.

Juliana’s daughter, Pitah, who she had met the other day looked at her curiously from her folding chair at the side of the booth, so Valentina went over to her. “Hola” she said, smiling at the little girl who looked too adorable in her denim shorts and a flower print t-shirt. She felt her nerves fading a little.

Pitah pushed her pink glasses up her nose. “Hola Valentina. Como estas?”

“Bien.” Valentina replied, offering the little girl a genuine smile.

“Did you come to see, my mom?”

Valentina nodded, feeling the nervousness come back as a tingle in her chest. “Do you think that’s okay?” She wasn’t sure why she was asking the little girl that or what she meant by it, but Pitah seemed to understand her anyway, and nodded her head.

“She’s not busy.”

Juliana chose that moment to look over at them, and Valentina felt nervous all over again. The woman’s smile was almost too pretty to be real and without really meaning to Valentina felt herself getting a little lost in it.

Pitah must have been exceptionally intuitive, because she picked up on the shift in Valentina’s energy right away and offered Valentina a smile and two thumbs up.

Before Valentina could respond, her eyes were drawn back to the dark-haired woman who looked surprised, but happy to see her. Valentina felt more than a little frazzled standing there waiting for her to walk over. 

Juliana almost couldn’t believe her eyes when she glanced over and saw Valentina standing there talking to Pitah. Luckily Panchita was busy with a customer of her own and hadn’t had time to…well Juliana didn’t know what Panchita would have done had she Valentina first, but she was certain it would have been something embarrassing.

“Hey…” Juliana said around a big smile, her hand immediately reaching out to touch Valentina’s arm as if she’d done just that a thousand times.

Juliana had to admit she was happy to see Valentina again, but more than a little surprised too. They’d exchanged numbers the day they’d met but when Juliana hadn’t heard from her all week, she had just assumed Valentina wasn’t interested in a friendship and had kind of let the thought go. But here she was, and Juliana couldn’t stop smiling.

Valentina looked like she wanted to respond, but when she didn’t say anything Juliana instinctively slid her hand down the other woman’s arm to hold her hand. “Are you okay?” she asked, feeling a little concerned.

Valentina pulled her hand away after a few seconds, but her gaze remained, her lips turning up at the edges just the smallest bit. The look she was giving Juliana warmed the dark-haired girl from the inside out; it skirted the edge of bashful and Juliana had to bite her tongue to keep from telling her how cute she thought she was.

“What are you doing here?” Juliana said and hoped she didn’t sound as breathless as she felt.

Valentina’s eyes flitted from Juliana’s face, breaking the connection between them. Valentina looked nervous and also a little too pale.

“Do you want to—” Valentina paused for a half breath “Do you want to get coffee…?”

Juliana must have looked perplexed because in the next instant Valentina’s paleness was replaced with a pretty pink blush that lit across her cheeks in a way that warmed Juliana right along with it. 

“With me?” Valentina added as if it weren’t obvious what she’d meant.

Juliana wanted to say yes but she looked around remembering that she was actually at work “I can’t….” she said, regretfully. “I have to work.” 

Valentina nodded her head in understanding but Juliana couldn’t take the flicker she saw behind the other woman’s blue eyes and she was suddenly hit with the realization that this was their moment. She didn’t know what that meant or why the thought was suddenly taking up all the space in her mind but the only thing she knew for sure was that she cannot let Valentina walk away. 

Juliana’s heart was pounding in her as her brain worked to figure out what to do next. “Just a minute.” Juliana said, her mind still struggling to catch up. “Don’t move.” She added before turning and jogging toward Panchita.

When Juliana came back the only thing on her mind was getting Valentina out of there.

“Why is she looking at me like that?”

Juliana looked over at Panchita and groaned.

Valentina smiled and waved awkwardly at the young woman while Juliana fumbled with her purse and keys, quickly guiding Valentina away from the overtly gawking Panchita. “I’ll drive.” She said, leaving no room for argument.

Valentina thought about objecting to Juliana driving, but decided not to. 

“Okay” she agreed. She didn’t want Juliana to think she was some kind of control freak who couldn’t let anyone else drive…not that Juliana would have thought that about her, but Valentina couldn’t help the self-depreciative way her mind worked sometimes and besides, she still wasn’t feeling up to driving anyway.

While they walked toward the parking lot, they made small talk…nothing too heavy. Valentina asked Juliana about the clothes she made, and about her home back in The States, and about what the move to Mexico had been like.

The conversation hadn’t been too extensive, but Valentina had found it very easy to get immersed in Juliana so when they reached their destination and Valentina found herself standing next to a large truck she was momentarily confused. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but this hadn’t been it. 

“You look scared.” Juliana was amused as she watched Valentina’s momentary struggle to pull the cab door open. The look on the other woman’s face made Juliana wonder if she was changing her mind about getting in the car with Juliana altogether.

Juliana tried to contain her amusement. “I don’t bite. I promise.”

“No…it’s not that. I just…where’s the…?” instead of finishing her sentence Valentina made a sliding motion with her hand.

“The seatbelt?” Juliana said, once she realized what Valentina was talking about. “Here.” Juliana had to lean across Valentina in a way that came close to encroaching. --close enough that she could smell the fresh scent of Valentina’s laundry detergent.

Panchito’s truck was old and Juliana found that most things were either broken or missing. Luckily, after several tense minutes of Juliana fumbling around while trying not to accidentally touch Valentina, she was able to find the problem. The seatbelt was stuck. Juliana could see it twisted on the side of Valentina, closest to the door.

“There’s a trick to this one…” Juliana said, giving a strong enough tug to wrench it free.

With the seat belt fixed she was able to click it into place across the other girl.

“So, where are we going?” Juliana said, breaking the silence.

With directions from Valentina, Juliana was able to find the quaint little storefront, but before they got out of the truck there was something Juliana felt like she had to get off of her chest. It had been eating away at her since they’d started driving and Juliana knew that the longer, she waited to address it the harder it was going to be to do it at all.

“I have a confession to make.” Juliana said after a long moment of silence she had to say this now because not saying it felt like too much of a lie and she couldn’t deal with that. She didn’t want to lie.

The way Valentina was looking at her made Juliana swallow heavily. Valentina was looking at her like she expected the worst which caused Juliana to suddenly worry that she was making a bigger deal out of the whole thing than what was necessary.

“I know who you are.” It came out sounding like Juliana was accusing her of having a secret identity, so she backtracked “I mean…Panchita knew. She recognized you, I mean.”

Valentina sighed and nodded in understanding. She looked down at her hands that she’d laced in her lap. Valentina didn’t speak right away, however, just looked out the window with an expression Juliana couldn’t quite place yet at the same time made Juliana want to press the back of her hand against Valentina’s cheek in a soothing gesture.

When Valentina turned to Juliana, her eyes were a muted blue. Juliana could almost imagine bright eyes in their place and her breath caught at the image.

“Does that matter to you?” Valentina asked dryly.

“No…” Juliana bit the inside of her cheek, figuring that it was best to get everything out in the open. “I mean…I was a little thrown at first…” Juliana turned in her seat so that she could see Valentina better. “I’ve never met a celebrity before.” Juliana joked in an attempt to lighten the mood a little.

Valentina’s voice was small when she spoke “Having money doesn’t make me a celebrity, Juliana.” She looked out the window again “Everything I have is because of who my father was.” Then she turned back to Juliana “and I’d trade it all for one more day with him.”

“I didn’t mean…” Juliana had started to say something, but Valentina cut her off with a wave of her hand.

“No. It’s no big deal, really.” Valentina offered a smile “I’m used to people recognizing me.”

Juliana just looked at her, not knowing what to say but hoping she hadn’t messed anything up between them by being honest.

“Are you ready?”

There were walls behind Valentina’s eyes again, but Juliana didn’t know what to do to fix that, so she just nodded and got out of the car. When she went around to help Valentina down the other woman accepted.

_________________________________________________________

She didn’t know how they had ended up on the subject but Juliana suddenly found herself broaching the subject of friendship.

“I know it’s not the same” Juliana’s voice trailed off “because it’s never the same. Everyone’s story is different, you know?” 

Valentina nodded but said nothing. 

Juliana reached across the table to touch Valentina’s hand and this time the other woman didn’t pull away. “I’m alone too.” She paused, “I don’t know—Maybe we could be alone.... together?” 

There was a moment of silence while Juliana’s words sat on the table next to the slices of cake and in between their coffee mugs, waiting to be acknowledged. 

Valentina looked deep in thought—too deep in thought and Juliana questioned herself. They didn’t exactly run in the same circles...not that Juliana had circles unless you counted Panchito and his kids, but she was almost certain Valentina had circles. 

“You mean like friends?” 

Juliana looked up, their eyes meeting across the table. “If that’s what they’re calling it these days.” She said, causally as if it didn’t matter either way. But Valentina brushed past her attempt at levity 

“I don’t have any friends”

Juliana could feel Valentina’s fingers twitch against the palm of her hand at the admission.

Tearing her eyes away from where their hands entwined, Juliana scanned Valentina’s face, searching for any hint of what the other woman might be feeling, but there was nothing there to decipher. Valentina’s face was a carefully crafted mask—her features giving away no hint of anything underneath. 

“Me either...not really.” Juliana said, pulling her hand always slowly. There was a flash of something behind Valentina’s blue eyes at the disconnection of their fingers, but Juliana didn’t know what it was or how to define it, so she lifted her coffee to her lips and took a long sip. She just needed a moment. 

Valentina took a sip of her own coffee “Something else we have in common.” She said, eyeing Juliana over the blue mug in her hand.

Their eyes met again and held this time. Juliana thought she saw a hint of a smile grace the very corners of Valentina’s lips, but she couldn’t be certain.

Valentina tugged at Juliana in a way she’d never experienced before and all she wanted to do was— what? Juliana had no idea what she wanted or why this woman was so different than any other person she’d ever met.

Perhaps it was because there were moments where she could swear that she’d seen a glimpse of the hopeful and happy person she knew Valentina must have been. Valentina was far too beautiful to always have been this sad. Juliana could see the real her under the composed features and she wanted to see more ...to draw it from her like pulling oil. 

“What...?” Valentina said, noticing Juliana’s gaze lingering on her and wondered what the other woman was thinking about so intensely. 

“No nothing.... you’re right. It would never work.”

“What?” 

There was a hint of defense in Valentina’s tone when she spoke this time and Juliana swore, she could see something in her eyes. That spark. Juliana wanted to ignite that spark...to set it free like fireworks. “Us as friends...” she said. The words left her mouth slowly. “We live in two different worlds.”

“I didn’t say that”

Valentina’s response was almost too immediate, and Juliana tried to keep the smile off her face. She didn’t want Valentina to know that she had seen past her careful façade, worried that it might make the other woman uncomfortable...or self-conscious. She didn’t want Valentina to retreat any further.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I—I like spending time with you.” Valentina’s response was carefully placed, as if she were setting fine china onto a concrete surface and hoping it didn’t break.

“Me too.” Juliana admitted. “So where does that leave us?” She raised an eyebrow at the woman in front of her and this time she was rewarded with a genuine smile from Valentina. 

“Friends...?” Valentina said tentatively. Testing the word out as if she didn’t entirely trust it. 

“Friends.” Juliana echoed. She could feel something rising in the pit of her stomach—Something that wanted to call it more than friends, but Juliana pushed that down. 

Friends were okay, she thought-- Friends were good even—more than enough. And then that voice in the back of Juliana’s mind chimed in; friends was a start.


	7. The Bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hard one and I'm not entirely happy with it but at the same time I can't stare at it any more tonight because I feel like I'm losing objectivity. So I'm just going to post it now and maybe come back later to tweak the bits I'm unsure about. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments are always welcome and only make me want to post more. 
> 
> Also this has not been beta'd... I've edited it all on my own and by now we all know that Correct Punctuation is NOT my first language. who are we kidding? Neither are tenses...paragraph structuring...coherence...

Valentina sat on the edge of her son’s bed and brushed the long strands of damp hair from his face, while he watched video clips of his favorite movie on his tablet. His current favorite was Toy Story--the character of Buzz Lightyear to be exact.

Valentina wondered what it was about that character in particular that grabbed Julian’s attention, was it because Buzz was an outsider? Did it mean that Julian also felt like an outsider?

She hoped that he didn’t feel that way, but it was almost impossible to know for sure because Julian couldn’t say if it was true or not. He couldn’t tell her if he was happy, sad or sick or a million other small things that parents took for granted knowing about their children—like their favorite color or what kind of day they had at school. For Valentina, that was the hardest part about Julian’s Autism; it was the not knowing.

Julian yawned and Valentina pulled his blanket up over his legs. It had been a long day and the five-year-old was tired, but still fighting to keep his eyes open, not wanting to go to sleep. The timer on her cell phone went off and Julian handed Valentina his tablet. 

The loud chime was Julian’s cue that tablet time was over and bedtime had begun. It was something Valentina started when they’d first into Valle and it ended up working so well that they’d used the timer every night since.

Julian had always struggled with transitions—going from one thing to the next was hard for him. When Valentina realized that something as simple as setting a timer on her phone could make such a huge difference she’d cried.

She remembered that night like it was yesterday, standing outside of his closed bedroom door weeping because her kid, for the first time in his life, went to bed without having a meltdown.

At the time it had seemed like a silly thing to cry about, but she no longer felt silly when she thought about it, because she realized that that moment had been the first time since Julian was born that Valentina had felt good about herself as a mother. 

She had been able to fix something that had been causing her son so much stress and anxiety. She had fixed it. Not the nanny, not his teachers or his therapist. It was then that Valentina knew for certain she’d made the right decision to leave her marriage. 

Shaking those thought from her head, Valentina plugged Julian’s tablet into the charger on his nightstand and leaned over the little boy to give him a kiss on his forehead. 

She smiled when he offered her the biggest grin. He’d obviously had a good day. “I love you.” she said, her voice was soft as she tucked the covers around him.

Julian’s reply was just as soft and sweet “To infinity and beyond.”

“To infinity and beyond,” Valentina echoed, giving him one more kiss goodnight.

******************************************

Later that evening, after the toys were picked up and the dinner dishes washed and put away, Valentina found herself making her way to the master bathroom. She felt grimy after spending most of the day outside.

Valentina could feel the events of the day sitting on her skin like a film. And while a shower would be quicker, she opted for a bath instead, liking the idea of soaking her body in hot water. She thought she might even pamper herself a little and throw in some of the scented oils she kept on hand for nights like these.

While the tub was filling, she slipped off the jeans she was wearing and shrugged out of her top. Valentina tossed the clothes in the wicker laundry basket before regarding herself in the mirror. 

She stared at her reflection for a moment, before finally bringing her hand to her hair. Valentina pulled gingerly at one of the pins holding her hair in place. She set the pin on the counter and then slowly felt around for the rest of the thin metal pins.

This was Valentina’s least favorite part of having a bath and she briefly considered that she could simply wash her hair another night and not worry about it now, but she knew that nothing in life was free and skipping it now would just make it harder to get through next time.

So, with a resigned sigh, Valentina let her hair fall in loose strands around her shoulders. She absently pulled a brush through and, as usual, averted her eyes away from the large vanity mirror, not wanting to catch a glimpse of herself.

Fuck, Valentina. You have a lot of issues to unpack. She rolled her eyes in response to herself and put the brush back in its place in the drawer.

She felt the same exhaustion that she always felt around this time in the evening, but this time stretched along with the tiredness was an entirely new feeling—one she didn’t quite understand and didn’t know what to call. Wired maybe? It was like her body was tired, but her mind was awake.

Turning off the tap, she finally slipped into the hot water. As the heat penetrated her body, she felt herself relaxing into it, letting the water wash away the stressful parts of the day.

It hadn’t been entirely bad, she reminded herself, because, as it turned out, asking the brunette out for coffee had been the best decision Valentina had made in weeks.

Valentina had quickly become enamored with the other woman. Juliana was funny, sweet, interesting and way too easy to be around. More than once Valentina had found herself getting so immersed in their conversation that she’d forgotten to keep track of the time and had almost been late leaving to pick up Julian from Therapy. She’d made it on time but only just. 

Valentina squirted some pleasantly scented soap in her hand and wondered if it was too late in the evening to text Juliana and ask to meet up again at some point in the week.

Who was she kidding? Valentina had extraordinarily little self-control and she knew she was going to text the other woman just as soon as she was out of the tub.

___________________________________________

The kids ran up ahead of the two of them as they walked at a leisurely pace, side by side along the path. Juliana smiled whenever their arms casually brushed against each other.

“So, this is like our third date…” Juliana tried to hold back the smile that threatened to break through but failed. She grinned, knowing exactly what she’d implied, but she couldn’t help it. She knew it would make Valentina smile and Valentina smiling was turning out to be one of Juliana’s favorite things.

She had been right. Valentina flashed her the best smile with just the tiniest bit of a laugh thrown in. And even though Valentina didn’t confirm Juliana’s claim she didn’t deny it either and that was enough to start a fluttering sensation in Juliana’s stomach.

“Is it?” Valentina asked, playing along.

“Well, it’s becoming a thing.”

They were not looking at each other, instead they both watched Pitah and Julian picking up stones along the edge of the path. The kids had slowed down and appeared to be waiting for their parents to catch up.

“Yeah, I suppose it is.” Valentina agreed.

There was no trace of the sadness Juliana could usually hear just behind her words, just an easy lightness that Juliana knew she’d have no trouble getting used to. 

As they fell into a comfortable silence, Juliana couldn’t help her mind from drifting off on tangents she seemingly had no control over, and after a while she was struck with the sudden urge to take Valentina’s hand—to lace their fingers together and feel the warmth of Valentina’s palm against her own. 

Juliana did not dare make a move to act on the impulse, but she didn’t push it away either. Even though that feeling did scare her a little, she let it sit inside her chest as she tried to get used to the dizzy, lightheaded way it made her feel.

Juliana took a chance and glanced over at Valentina, the woman seemed to have been pulled in by some thoughts of her own, and Juliana couldn’t help but wonder what Valentina was thinking.

She didn’t know the woman well enough to be making guesses, but she supposed it was okay to assume that whatever Valentina was thinking about was something good as she’d never seen Valentina look more serene.

Juliana and Valentina stopped on the small wooden bridge that spanned the width of the stream below them. The place was beautiful and thankfully fairly deserted. It was the perfect place to spend the day with the kids. 

Julian and Pitah were in the field attempting to fly the dinosaur-shaped kite that Julian had brought. There was a slight breeze and Pitah was good at things like kite flying so Juliana had no doubt that it would be up in the air in no time. 

Valentina watched Juliana watching the kids play and was struck by how beautiful the other woman really was. 

There was just something about Juliana that intrigued Valentina and had from the start—even when she’d been annoyed at the, then, stranger tugging her to sit on a park bench with her, she’d still been intrigued. 

Juliana made Valentina want to know more, to be closer to the dark-haired woman, even if that meant just standing next to her on a bridge while their kids played together, and the beauty of nature unfolded around them.

Valentina admired the confident way Juliana had of moving her body, like she owned the space she occupied. It was so unlike how Valentina felt about; herself clumsy and uncomfortable in situations that required graceful or delicate movements.

Valentina, taking advantage of Juliana’s moment of distraction, let her eyes linger on and drift downward, appreciating the way the other woman’s low-ride jeans hugged the curves of her hips exactly right, as if they’d been made specifically for her body. 

Juliana was strong too—stronger than Valentina would ever be—yet there was a sway to her movements, leaving no doubt that Valentina was looking at a woman. 

Her dark hair curved and etched around her face, ending just past her shoulders in natural waves that made Valentina want to thread her fingers through it.

Valentina’s cheeks felt like they were heating up and she thought that perhaps it was obvious she was blushing. But Juliana wasn’t paying any attention to her right then and that was good because Valentina would have been mortified if Juliana had caught her looking at her the way she’d been looking at her. 

She wondered what the other woman would think if she knew where Valentina’s mind had been. She wondered if Juliana would be flattered or offended. She didn’t know the answer, but part of her wanted to find out—to push a little and see if Juliana would push back…or pull closer.

These feelings were all unfamiliar territory for Valentina, but they weren’t unwelcome. A change was starting inside of Valentina—she could feel it and the only way to describe it was that it was like slowly coming back to life or waking up after having been asleep for a long time-- such a visceral reaction that Valentina could almost feel that forgotten part of herself stretching and unfurling like a living thing all its own. 

It was in moments, like this, that Valentina found she was completely unguarded—the locked gates she lived behind were suddenly unlocked and thrown open wide as if tempting her to take a step outside--. And oh how she wanted to, so when the subject of her ex-husband came around, naturally trailing behind a question she had asked Juliana, Valentina took that step outside.

____________________

“Did you love him?”

Valentina breathed out a sigh. “I thought I did” She paused... “At the time.”

“And now?”

“Now?” Valentina’s laugh was filled with ire and regret. “Now I’m not so sure I’ve ever been in love...” She made a motion with her hand toward her son “Other than with Julian” her voice trailed off... “But that’s different, isn’t it? That’s not the same as a man and a woman...”

Juliana looked away, trying to put distance between herself and what Valentina was saying…she couldn’t explain why, but hearing her talk about some ideal relationship being with a man, made Juliana’s heart sink.  
“How about you? Were you in love with your ex-husband?” Valentina asked.

“Oh...I was never married to Pitah’s father.” Juliana glanced up trying to gauge Valentina’s response, but there was nothing other than the soft way Valentina looked at her. “We were friends...it was a one-time thing.” Juliana leaned on her arms and looked down at the river. 

“Were friends?” 

The way Valentina touched her arm left a tingling sensation where her palm pressed, and her hair stood on end. Juliana’s whole body seemed like it was tuned into the woman beside her and it had been that way from the start.

Juliana shrugged. “I moved back to San Antonio....and then Pitah was born and I...” Her voice trailed off...not sure of how much of her story she wanted to get into just then. She was feeling a little more vulnerable than she was used to feeling and that was okay. She wasn’t afraid to open up, it was just that she just wasn’t that good at it, and she didn’t want to turn such a beautiful moment into something awkward.

Valentina didn’t ask any more questions about Pitah’s father, and Juliana wondered if Valentina could sense her reluctance to talk about it.

If Valentina had noticed she didn’t let it show she simply gave Juliana’s arm a reassuring squeeze, before turning her attention toward their kids playing in the field.

Pitah had the string of the kite Julian had brought for them to play with, and the little girl was running with it, trying to get it up in the air. Julian chasing after her like it was the best thing he’d ever seen.

“Julian really likes your little girl.” Valentina stated in a soft voice. “I’ve never seen him engage so much with anyone...” There was a pause “Not even with me” she finished; a small laugh that was more like an exhale chased behind her words.

There was a certain sadness in the other woman now, and Juliana had to grip the wooden railing to physically stop herself from pulling Valentina into her body. 

This strong pull toward Valentina was starting to worry Juliana more than she really wanted to admit. If she were having to make such a concerted effort to keep her hands to herself now, what would happen later on when they knew each other better? 

All of those thoughts were begging for some kind of response but there was nothing she could tell herself to stop her mind from racing, so she shrugged it off instead. “Don’t let her hear you call her that.”

“Que?” Valentina asked, crossing her arms and regarding Juliana playfully. 

“Little girl.” She nodded toward her daughter and Valentina sighed in understanding. “I swear she’s nine going on twenty-one some days”

“But that’s normal, yeah? Most little girls want to grow up as quickly as possible.” Valentina smiled conspiringly “And then when they are our age all they want to be is young again.” 

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.” Juliana bumped Valentina’s shoulder with her own, not missing the way Valentina caught her gaze and held it for a moment longer than necessary before she looked away again.

“Perhaps there are things I’d like to do over again, if I could.” Valentina ran her hands along the wooden railing before continuing “But I wouldn’t go as far back as you’d think. If I could choose, I think I would redo twenty-one.” 

“Why twenty-one?”

Valentina leaned in close, as if she were about to tell Juliana a secret, her elbow perched on the wooden railing at her back. “I just feel like there was something I missed.... something that was supposed to happen but didn’t.”

Valentina leaned in even closer until she was close enough that Juliana could practically feel the heat from the other woman’s body against her bare arm.

“Do you ever feel like that?” Valentina punctuated the question by pulling back slightly so she could look at Juliana.

Juliana nodded. She completely understood where Valentina was coming from. There had been many times in her life where she’d felt that feeling like something was missing...or off...almost like she’d missed a turn somewhere, but she could never pinpoint exactly where the turn had been or exactly why she felt that way. 

“I don’t know, Juls... I guess if I could go back, I think I’d pay more attention.”

Juliana felt a slight blush creep up her cheeks at the nickname. No one had ever called her Juls before “What year were you twenty-one?”

“Juliana Valdes...is this your way of asking how old I am?” 

Valentina was obviously joking but Juliana couldn’t help but blush. “No...No-I’m only curious. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sorry....”

“Relax… I know what you meant.” Valentina bit her bottom lip between a smile. “I’m thirty-one” she said. 

“That would have made me eighteen when you were twenty-one” Juliana said...” and no thank you. I wouldn’t relive eighteen for a million dollars.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Understatement.” Juliana said simply.

Valentina regarded her curiously. She didn’t ask but she was obviously waiting for Juliana to go on. “That’s the year my mom dragged me to Mexico City for the first time...” Juliana crossed her arms around the front of her body. “It was also the year she died.”

Valentina took her hand, lacing their fingers together and regarded her intently. “I’m sorry...I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine, really, Val… I’m over it.” Juliana’s eyes moved to the kids again. Pitah had Valentina’s son under his arms, swinging him around in circles, which he seemed to be enjoying. 

Valentina squeezed her hand again. She didn’t let go.

“The only good thing to come out of eighteen was my daughter.” Juliana paused “she’s named after my mother.” Juliana continued. 

Their eyes met for a long moment and there was something there...something Juliana couldn’t put her finger on...something alive. Something electric.

The realization that they were still holding hands only added to the electricity and Juliana felt the hair on her arm standing on end as if she’d been shocked.

Embarrassed, she slipped her hand out of Valentina’s, pretending to search for something in her satchel until she felt Valentina’s gaze leave her face.

All the talk about her mother had Juliana feeling raw. She hadn’t realized she would feel that way—hadn’t realized that the subject of her mother’s death was still something that could affect her in a way she couldn’t easily shake off. 

“Hey.... do you want to come over for dinner this week? You could bring Pitah along, Julian would love that.” Valentina smiled nervously “I would love it too.”

“Yes.” Juliana answered, almost immediately. “Dinner sounds great.”


End file.
